4 Years

4 years. My life has been completely changed for 4 years now, yet sometimes it feels like yesterday. None of us will ever be the same. We have been members of a club that we never wanted to join. We all look at life differently. Things that mattered to us before, no longer matter to us now, just as long as we can be together.
And so begins the worse month of the year. Linz died, Mother's Day, my Mom's birthday and Memorial Day (as if we weren't remembering them enough).
It still amazes me how I never know when the grief is going to hit. It could be as simple as driving in the car, and it hits me so hard it takes my breath away. I thought after 4 years, that wouldn't still happen, but it does. I guess the only thing time does to grief, is that it makes you used to it.
But let's not end on a depressing note, Lindsey would not be happy with me. So here's her favorite poem:
You cannot stay on the summit forever;
You have to come down again.
So why bother in the first place?
Just this:
What is above knows what is below,
But what is below does not know what is above.
One climbs, on sees.
One descends, one sees no longer,
But one HAS SEEN
There is an art of conducting oneself by the memory of what one saw higher up.
When one can no longer see, one can at least know.
-Rene Daumal

Photo by Linz