Today

The first time my Mom saw Max.

This is the first time I've been able to sit down and reflect on what today means to me (the kids were not cooperating). 3 years ago today my Mom died. It feels like a lot longer. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her. Some days I miss her so much it hurts. I know some days Toby wishes she were here too so he wouldn't have to listen to me talk and talk because I would be able to talk and talk with my Mom instead. Most days when I think about her, it's because I want to ask her something. She didn't always know the answer, but she could always get me going on the right path. I still feel her around me everyday, sometimes that just makes it worse. Sometimes I even get a share a special dream with her, that makes it better. Sometimes I can feel her laughing at my stubbornness. Mostly I just feel her cheering me on, and I think that I can make it through one more day because she did too. I'm not sure how she raised 6 kids, I can't raise my 3, but thinking about her doing it with 6 makes me think that I should cowboy up and quit complaining. I'm glad that I have her journals to read because sometimes when I want to feel her near me I can open them and read about her wisdom and mistakes. One thing that I'm really not good at but my Mom was great at was Hope. This is one of my favorite quotes about Hope that helped me when I found out my Mom was going to die. "Hope is not knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us. It is confidence that if we live according to God’s laws and the words of His prophets now, we will receive desired blessings in the future.  It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance." Elder Uchtdorf